Lilacs & China

Yesterday I was reading my mother-in-law's Miss Manners book on the way to Dr. Y's 90th birthday party. It spawned an interesting conversation with my mom about the loss of interest in our country in "the art of living," which I was meaning as certain acts of social ettiquette, homemaking, and family traditions/rituals, etc. She was saying that the kids of her generation linked things like setting and enjoying a family dinner table and bed making together with the the character traits or behaviors (like excessive control and suppression) that their parents displayed and decided to throw them all out the door when they were growing up and seeking to change the way people looked at and treated each other. She concluded, "thus, hippies." I asked her to elaborate and she said something about how, "along with that stuff you are reading about, came the idea that the child cannot speak unless first spoken to." I told her it is unfortunate that people thought that way because to me the scenario seemed hypocritical. In reading the Miss Manners book I got the feeling, as I have from experiencing some of these things around Dr. Y, that setting a table, usings china and linens, sending out a hand written thank you note, fresh cut flowers, or a tidy bed are an act of respect and love for the person you are sharing it with. I have always felt like someone very special to Dr. Y because he took the time to do these little loving gestures. It occured to me that in the 50's and before they worked really hard to show adults this kind of respect, consideration, and little acts of love, but that the children were not always treated with that much care. I think the generation my parents came from was trying to teach the world that we don't just "count" when we've hit the magic age of adulthood but that every human being, regardless of years of experience in life is respectable and valuable. So, it was not in fact the china's fault that people were treated poorly. This was an interesting conversation to have with my mom. She looked and me and finally said, "you know, I understand what you are saying." So, problem solved I guess. Or at least, perspective understood. It was not the actions that were the culpret, it was the thinking. Luckily the people of the world are becoming more concious of and aware of how their thoughts, words and actions are effecting what's around them.

So, go ahead, break out your china, or handwrite a thank you card, perhaps sit down for a homemade family dinner, and spread some love and respect today!