Pointe your toes please...

I used to love to dance. Actually, I still do deep inside. But since I had my knee injury in 2001 I've been through a rollercoaster of emotions and physical experiences which has led me not to dance for the last 8 years. I miss it. I can often be found doing ballet in the corner when I think no one is watching or listening to my old Tchaikovsky CDs. Especially at Christmas time.

I did attempt to find a new studio when I was 19 to pick it up again but, I couldn't really find anywhere I thought I would fit in. I was apparently too old for dancing with the younger, more advanced girls, but I felt to young and embarrassed to be in an "adult" class with the older ladies (who, at the time, I felt I couldnt relate to and the class was just not strong enough for me). I was crushed and couldnt believe it. Actually, now I realize, I was stupid because my ego kept me from dancing for 8 years.


Thankfully, a certain chain of very special events and a little more humilty in the last years has led me to finding another studio in Hannover that has great classes for old dancers (of all levels) just like me. The owner is an older gentelman who has danced all his life. He never left it. In 1981 he said he stopped dancing professionally and opened the studio in Hannover to teach. For one week I had been planning to visit his studio after a recommendation from my pilates instructor (a retired pro-ballerina). When it came to be Monday, the day I was supposed to go, I was exhausted from the kids and had nearly made myself sick with fear and nervousness about being allowed to go into a studio again. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who had been listening to and watching me all these years and knows my love for dance. Late at night he encouraged me and then dragged me to downtown Hannover. It was so good to be there again. I loved watching the older dancers. I could remember all the moves they did, a good sign...but I still felt sick with fear that I wouldnt be able to do them anymore. When the class was over, Yener Durukan, the owner came to talk with us. He told me I could come back Tuesday to take a class and he would evaluate where I could start. I was so pleased to find I had the opportunity to take a class every night of the week here. And it was inexpensive!


So, I went. I took my first ballet class yesterday and it was really humbling. I was there to be evaluated for what classes I could take. At the end of class, I thought, "well, final eval = at least you know what ballet LOOKS like." Ha! Granted, I havent done ballet since I was 13. I did jazz & poms for 5 more years until I was 18, but then I had my accident. It was really interesting to be the same girl (in mind), doing moves my body remembers, but without the control, the precision, and the softness I used to. So, my strength is not there. My technique is not there. And I was probably pretty horrible. But, I have to admit, I REALLY REALLY HAD A LOT OF FUN. It was amazing to put on a pair of ballet shoes again (those are my new ones in that picture above).


The class was challenging, as Yener said it would be. But he is an extremely patient teacher who loves to stretch you to your limits. It was great to be challenged again. I forgot all of my worries from the day. There is no time to think, only time to dance and feel. Before we started he spent about a half an hour getting to know me, my history with dance, my issue with my knee and the way I've treated it the last 8 years. He was very careful to help remind me to take it slowly and be sensitive to my body. I understand why so many retired dancers and girls like me attend his studio. He is fabulous.


I felt funny when I came home last night and had a very mixed set of emotions. One was sheer excitement/joy, and the other embarrassment. But, really, this man is not critical. He is a wonderful person who knows the love a dancer has for movement. He respects even the most rediculous of us. :) Really, it is a time of reconciliation with myself for the experiences I've chosen to have and the place I am in today. Oh, the roads you travel on in life...how interesting it is!


Today, I can really feel the parts of my body that I had no strength in yesterday. No wonder dancers look so fabulous. These are the best parts!


So, tonight I will take it easier and go to pilates. I will dance again on Thursday. Next week if I am stronger I will dance Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Eventually, he said, I can work up to the more advanced classes again. I am really thrilled. So, wish me luck and quick healing!